We’ve all been there - in the trap of comparison.  We’ve been scrolling social media, and suddenly we feel ‘less than’, or we compare our bodies to someone else - or our businesses, parenthood, our healing journey - or our ‘success’.  It’s a slippery slope to despair, where suddenly we find ourselves lost in a black hole of “someone else is doing it better” - or “I’m behind’ or ‘I’m not enough’.

Comparing ourselves has become almost constant in modern culture - and it’s exhausting.  And the thing is, it’s not just about wanting to appear ‘better’ - it’s often a hidden survival mechanism we use to protect ourselves - fear around not ‘belonging’.

As a neurodivergent woman, this is something I have known well - often being very ‘different’ to others yet feeling an internal pressure to be and do the same as others. The good news is, essential oils can help us to break free of this trap - and come back home to our own rhythms, self-worth and gifts - and our uniqueness.

The hidden psychology of comparison

So often people assume that if we are comparing ourselves to others, we are being vain - but it’s really a learned survival instinct, to have hypervigilance around belonging. When we are comparing ourselves, we are really (often unconsciously) asking ourselves “am I safe? Will I be rejected, or excluded? Am I inadequate?”

We are secretly feeling inferior.  And in today’s world, it makes sense, honestly.  With the rise in social media - with glossy influencers showing up perfectly, it’s easy to compare ourselves and feel ‘smaller’ than others.  

The truth is, this comparison is disconnecting us from our own timing and our own beauty - having us feel ‘less than’, and like we need to do more - often leading us to burnout.  Women, especially, are often conditioned into competition and self-critique, especially around beauty standards. We are taught to monitor ourselves constantly - our appearance, productivity, success, motherhood, ageing and desirability.

And the problem is: comparison is pulling us out of our own path and into someone else’s timeline - which impacts our nervous systems.  The more we compare, the harder it actually becomes to be ourselves.

How comparison shows up

Often, this way of being is so ingrained that we might not even notice that we are comparing ourselves.  So, what are the practical and emotional symptoms that we might be in this pattern?

If we notice any of these, it may be a sign we are stuck in comparison:

• Overthinking everything
• Feeling ‘behind’ others - or less than
• Having low self-esteem
• Doom-scrolling on social media repeatedly - for many hours a day
• Difficulty celebrating others - not because we don’t want to, but because we don’t feel ‘enough’
• Perfectionism - feeling like we have to be always in control, always looking our best, everything in order
• Constant self-monitoring - ensuring that our mask doesn’t slip
• Changing ourselves to fit - contorting ourselves to be more ‘acceptable’
• Paralysis and procrastination - we might feel physically or mentally paralysed and find it hard to start tasks
• Creative shutdown
• Anxiety and nervous system activation

How comparison affects the body

Comparison doesn’t just impact our behaviours and emotions; we can also feel the impacts of it in our bodies.  When we are stuck in the trap of comparing, we become vigilant, feeling inadequate and can become stressed - which literally alters our chemistry.

Possible physical manifestations of this might include:

• Tension in our bodies - neck, shoulders, womb
• Exhaustion and fatigue
• Adrenal depletion
• Burnout
• Insomnia and sleeplessness
• Nervous system dysregulation and anxiety

Essentially, our daily lives become around ‘performing’, rather than being in our own bodies, and focused on what truly lights us up. Comparison pulls us away from who we are and makes life a competition.

The role of essential oils

When we have been feeling this way for a sustained period, it can seriously impact our wellbeing. And this is where essential oils can help - both with the ‘effects’ of long-term comparison fatigue, and also the deeper underlying worthiness that is lacking that leads us to start these behaviours in the first place.

Essential oils can help us regulate our nervous systems, reconnect to ourselves, interrupt obsessive thinking, soften shame, ground back into our bodies, and reconnect with self-worth and truth.

The goal is not necessarily to ‘make us more confident’ - though that may also be a side-effect - it’s more about creating the internal conditions where we can begin to hear ourselves again.

Essential oils for grounding back into ourselves

When we are tempted to look externally, the best oils are those which can help us ground inwards:

• Vetivert - a deeply grounding oil, especially great when comparison creates spiralling or shutdown.
• Cedarwood - an anchoring, stabilising oil, that helps us reconnect to our centre.
• Patchouli - excellent for embodiment, this oil helps us come back into the body.

I recommend using one of these oils in any blend to help centre you when comparison compels.

Oils for self-worth and heart healing

A deeper, underlying driver for comparison habits is feeling ‘unworthy’ - so oils to help us heal our tender hearts include:

• Rose - the nurturing oil of self-love, tenderness, worthiness.
• Geranium - a balancing oil that helps us soothe emotional insecurity and release comparison.
• Neroli - an oil that supports vulnerability and emotional safety, this helps us remember our worth.

Use these oils to help heal the underlying wounds beneath comparison.

Oils for releasing mental overwhelm and perfectionism

Mentally, when we feel the call to be perfect, we can use oils such as:

• Frankincense - an oil that creates spaciousness and perspective.
• Lavender - calming for the nervous system, this oil helps us heal hypervigilance.
• Bergamot - an excellent oil to help relieve the mind of self-criticism and emotional heaviness.

Select one of these in your blend to help release overwhelm.

Oils for authentic expression and confidence

To reclaim ourselves from comparison, we need to begin to feel safe to return to our inner truth - and honour our own unique expression.  These oils help:

• Clary Sage - an oil that supports the reclamation of our inner truth and releases conformity.
• Sweet Orange - the oil of playfulness, spontaneity and joy.
• Jasmine - an expressive essential oil that supports quiet confidence, sensuality and visibility.

Use one of these oils in your blend to support reclamation of your authentic self.

Comparison-Busting Blends 

One thing I always like to cultivate is a sense of ‘there’s no wrong blend’.  When we are so used to comparison, it’s vital to begin reclaiming our ‘own way’ in the small ways - and blending oils can be one way that we start to remember our unique power.  As long as you use the same dilutions for safe blending, you can choose any oils that you feel called to - and the invitation is to trust your nose to guide you.

Here are some suggestions to play with:

‘Return to Self’ diffuser blend: mix 3 drops Frankincense, 2 drop Rose and 1 drop Cedarwood in water in an electrical diffuser or candle burner and let it diffuse in the air for 30 minutes, whilst you breathe deeply, taking a pause to become present and interrupt any comparison habit you might have. You might like to reflect on: “Where do I abandon myself through comparison?” and see what shows up.

Mirror ritual massage: create a massage blend using up to 6 drops of 3 oils of your choice (maybe Geranium, Sweet Orange and Patchouli if you really aren’t sure), mixed in 15ml carrier oil like Sweet Almond - and massage into your body, whilst looking into your eyes in the mirror.  This can feel confronting, so notice what arises for you as you get honest with yourself.  Ask yourself: “What happens when I stop abandoning myself to become someone else?” - and see what comes!

Social media reset: whenever you notice yourself in comparison, put your phone away and reconnect to your body or nature - mix 1 drop of your favourite oil from the above list into 10ml carrier oil in a rollette bottle - and massage it onto your pulse points.  Spend some time reflecting on: “What are my strengths?” and “What do I want to create?”

It takes time to undo comparison habits - there’s often deeper internal work and healing to do, around our beliefs and old stories - but the main thing to know is that we all have our own unique gifts, and strengths.  

One of my favourite lessons from the plants is that flowers don’t compare their blooming times.

Every nervous system has its own rhythm - and essential oils remind us to reconnect to that. Nature doesn’t rush or compare - as Lao Tzu says: “Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.”

Aromatherapy reminds us of that - and that healing asks us to come home to ourselves, rather than looking outwards.

Happy blending.

Nicole Barton
Consultant Aromatherapist

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