As Christmas fast approaches, it becomes a time of joy - but it can also be a time where there’s friction and conflict in our relationships.  There are so many hopes, expectations and fantasies we hold around our version of Christmas - we want it to look like it does in the movies, with beautiful big red ribbons adorning gifts, families gathered having a wonderful time, the image of bliss.  But the reality is often a mixed bag - because everyone has their own version of what it ‘should’ look like.

Navigating conflict can be challenging at the best of times, but when everyone comes together for Christmas, it can be particularly difficult. So, this year - to help you support yourself through this time - I’ve pulled together a list of how we can resource ourselves through our emotions - with essential oils.

What emotions can come up in conflict?

There’s an essential oil for every emotion, so it’s firstly helpful to name the emotions that can arise in times of conflict in relationships.  Of course, this can be any emotion - and I want to name that whatever you feel in conflict is valid.  

It can be so tempting to think that one person must be ‘right’ and one person must be ‘wrong’ - because that’s how we’ve been conditioned - but the reality is, both people in conflict can be right - for them. This means that whatever emotions arise for you in relationship conflict this season, your feelings are valid.  Just knowing that can help.

Examples of emotions that can come up include anger, frustration, resentment, sadness, grief, disappointment, loneliness, fear, anxiety, overwhelm, irritation, guilt, shame and even emotional shutdown entirely.

What we each feel will vary, depending on who we are and what has occurred. But it’s helpful to acknowledge that if there is conflict in our relationships, we might be grieving the loss of the fantasy of our Christmas, we might feel alone, we might feel anxious, or angry, or guilty.  There’s a broad spectrum of what might come up for us - and we are all unique.

Whatever we do feel, though, it is all welcome.  So how do we navigate it?

Navigating conflict

The first thing I’d recommend when we are navigating conflict is to pause and create some space between us and the person we are in conflict with. That means to literally remove ourselves from the conversation or environment (if we can) to get a bit of space.

The second thing I’d invite is to create some kind of self-care ritual - which is where our essential oils can come in to offer us potent medicine. We can use the space to begin to tend our own emotions and nervous systems - and begin to attune to our own emotions, seeing what we need to come back to balance and harmony within ourselves.

Here’s a ritual to help you begin to tune into what you might need:

• Create some space for yourself - this might be by going for a walk, or taking a bath or sitting in a quiet room.
• Take a moment to connect and feel into your body - what are you feeling?  Can you name the sensations that are arising for you?
• Spend a moment now feeling into your emotions - perhaps journaling on them.  Can you access them?  If not, you could be in emotional shut down - work with that below. If you can access them, can you name them? Let’s work with whatever emotion you’re feeling, below.

Essential oils for healing emotions that arise in conflict 

So, which essential oils can support?  Here’s a list of oils that can support with each of the emotions we’ve illuminated can show up in conflict:

• Anger - Ylang Ylang has a rich, sweet, exotic floral aroma that helps soften the heat of anger and emotional reactivity. Its calming, balancing nature supports you to release tension and return to a sense of inner steadiness.
• Frustration - Geranium offers a fresh, floral scent that naturally brings emotional balance. It’s wonderful for easing frustration, irritability and tension when everything feels “too much” or not going to plan.
• Resentment - Roman Chamomile is a soft, fruity and herbaceous oil - perfect for resentment, which often masks unexpressed hurt. Its calming nature helps soothe the emotional body and ease long-held tension.
• Sadness – with a bright, cheerful and uplifting aroma, Sweet Orange gently warms the emotional landscape. It brings lightness when sadness dulls your inner glow, offering a soft, comforting lift.
• Grief - deep, tender and heart-opening, Rose oil is one of the most supportive essential oils for grief. Its soulful floral aroma offers comfort, helping you move through waves of feeling with gentleness.
• Disappointment - warm, resinous and meditative, Frankincense helps you reconnect with inner steadiness when disappointment shakes you. It brings grounding and perspective, helping you centre yourself again.
• Loneliness - rich, warm and enveloping, Jasmine oil supports feelings of isolation by nurturing the emotional heart. It brings a sense of closeness and connection when loneliness rises.
• Fear - earthy, smoky and deeply grounding, Vetiver is excellent for fear. It helps anchor the body, slow the breath, and restore a sense of emotional safety.
• Anxiety - a beautifully floral citrussy oil, Bergamot is the perfect aroma for helping you navigate and heal anxious moments, melting anxiety and uplifting whilst also calming.
• Overwhelm - warm, woody and steadying, Cedarwood oil helps organise scattered emotional energy. It offers grounding support when you feel overstimulated or overextended.
• Irritation - fresh, green and lightly woody, Petitgrain helps soften irritability and mental agitation. Its clean aroma clears emotional static before it builds.
• Guilt - soft, honeyed and deeply comforting, Neroli supports emotional healing when guilt weighs heavy. It invites compassion and gentleness towards yourself.
• Shame - deep, earthy and grounding, Patchouli helps bring you back into the body when shame causes contraction. It promotes acceptance, stability and emotional rootedness.
• Emotional shutdown - clean, evergreen and stabilising, Cypress encourages emotional flow when you’ve frozen. It helps you reconnect with sensation and move from shutdown back into gentle feeling.

How to work with these oils in moments of conflict

Once you’ve named what you’re feeling, I invite you to choose three oils that speak to you most.  The next step is then to work with them intentionally. 

Essential oils are powerful emotional allies - but they work best when we consciously invite them in. Below are three simple ways they can support you in navigating conflict. These blends I’ve shared are suggestions - please swap oils in, based on which emotions have arisen for you. Think of these as invitations rather than rules.

Diffuser Blend - Journalling through conflict

Ideal for the moment when you’ve stepped away to reflect, breathe and journal, this blend helps you begin to sit with your feelings, soften your heart, and bring clarity.

Blend: Mix 3 drops Geranium, 2 drops Frankincense and 1 drop Sweet Orange in water in an electrical diffuser or candle burner, and settle into a quiet corner, so you can journal freely. Let the aromas hold you as you voice, through writing, what’s coming up for you.  Meet yourself with compassion.

Bath Blend - Deep emotional soothing

If you’re someone who finds healing through bathing, this blend offers a deeply nurturing container to help you be with heavy emotions. Perfect after a conflict where grief, disappointment or loneliness have been stirred.

Blend: Mix 3 drops Rose, 2 drops Roman Chamomile and 1 drop Jasmine into 15ml of Bath Oil before adding to warm running water. Close all the windows, unplug your phone, sink in and breathe - and imagine everything you’ve been holding dissolving into the warmth.  Let the floral oils nurture you - this is a moment to soften, to be gentle with yourself, to release.

Inhalator Blend - Reset walk 

Sometimes the best thing we can do in conflict is get outside and move our bodies. Fresh air and distance help our nervous systems deal with big feelings. This inhalator blend is designed to support clarity, safety and grounding during a reset walk.

Blend: Add 1 drop Vetiver, 1 drop Petitgrain and 1 drop Bergamot onto a cotton wool pad, and roll it up into an Aromatherapy Inhaler.  Have this with you as you walk, inhaling slowly, and letting the scent remind your body that you are safe enough to keep moving forward.  This is your portable ‘pause’ button - a way to steady yourself before returning to the conversation or choosing your next step.

Whatever ritual you choose, I want you to take away from this that conflict doesn’t mean something is wrong with you - it simply reveals where emotional needs, boundaries or expectations are rubbing against each other. And while you cannot control how others behave or respond, you can tend to yourself, your nervous system and your emotions with tenderness.

Essential oils offer a simple but powerful way to support yourself in these moments - a time to breathe, to soften, to come back into your body, and to reconnect with what you truly feel.

There is no “right” way to use them - follow your intuition. Choose the oils you feel drawn to - let them hold you as you navigate the complexity of being human, especially at a time of year that carries so much pressure, emotion and expectation.

Most of all, remember your feelings are valid, your needs matter, and you are allowed to step back, regulate, and return only when you feel ready. 

Wishing you a gentle, emotionally supported festive season!

Nicole Barton
Consultant Aromatherapist

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